Hi,
My Boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago. He said things weren't going well and he thought it was best that we be on our own.
He still calls me every night, and he took me out to a movie today. I kissed him and he said he still likes me but that he's confused. Frankly, he's confusing me!
Help!
Hello!
It's hard to know what's going on inside his head without knowing him. In fact, the only one that really knows what's going on (or can find out) is you!
Perhaps he feels he's too young to be in a steady relationship or maybe he's just not getting what he wants from it.
Here's an idea: ask him! But, be smart about it. You see, men have a very difficult time putting their feelings and emotions into words. This doesn't mean that they don't feel things - in fact, they do. However, these are complicated emotions that are difficult to express verbally.
So, try this: ask him why he made his decision by asking him "yes/no" question instead.
For example, if you asked him, "Why don't you want to be together like we were before?" He has to come up with all sorts of complicated thoughts to express how he feels, and will still not be able to really get his feelings out. Then, he's going to feel like he has to defend his decision with more complicated discussion.
Instead, if you ask him, "Do you want to break up because you're not really getting what you want from our relationship?" He's going to say either "yes" or "no". Now, you can continue this by asking another "yes/no" question like, "Do you feel like you need more time to yourself?" etc. You can continue this, making it easy for him to express himself all the way to the point where you get a real answer.
One last thing, don't do this with the intention of trying to find out where he's wrong and change his mind. He'll pick it right up and stop answering ANY question! Instead, do it to gain real understanding about him and your relationship.
Good luck, much love...
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com.
Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
