Dear Dr. Neder,
First of all, I really love what you're doing to help other guys. Thank you!
I need some advice on getting dates with Caucasian women because I'm an Asian guy - it's so challenging! I'm attractive but women don't seem to look at me as a possible "boyfriend". I'm not blaming on them at all - I just need some advice.
I'm 5' 7" tall, maybe that's a little bit short for a guy, and height may possibly be a factor here. I'm reluctant and hesitant to approach Caucasian women and just ask them out because I'm afraid I might get rejected. I've tried computer dating services without luck.
What are the possibilities of getting a date with a white girl? What do I need to do to really get their attention? It's very important for me to start dating white women because, although I look Asian, I'm a cultural American. I'm not even familiar with the Asian culture! Maybe I'm just not at all good with women. Any suggestions you may have would be greatly appreciated.
Hello!
Thank YOU for your supportive comments! I'm just here, trying to build a better man.
Just like in every other part of life, there are people that like certain things and those that don't.
Being Asian isn't an issue. You just have to find the women that are attracted to Asian-looking men. In fact, many women don't give a rip that you're Asian or anything else about you. They are concerned about you -the person - not you, "the 5' 7" Asian guy." Frankly, this is a real benefit to men. Men are much more likely to scrutinize women visually than women are men.
In fact, many women may even find your look "exotic" and "mysterious". You should play on these factors. But don't focus on them exclusively. Focus on yourself as worthwhile and "a great catch", and let the women sort it out for themselves.
What's much more important is to learn what women want. If you've read many of my articles you know that I equate dating with selling, as the skills are very much alike. How successful would a salesman be if, he had a great product, but kept going to the wrong customers trying to convince them to buy? Obviously, he wouldn't be successful at all. I see men trying to do this all the time.
What I suggest is: 1) learn what your "customer" wants to buy; and 2) sell what your customer is buying!
In the dating world, this equates to understanding what women really want and then looking at your product (you), packaging it for sale and then reaching your customer to show them the benefits. In my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" I go into this in great depth and suggest that you pick up a copy.
Don't focus on the things you can't change - being Asian, 5' 7", etc. Focus on your BENEFITS to your CUSTOMER. That's all that matters anyway!
Good luck, much love...
Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com.
Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
