Dear Doctor:
I've put off going after girls for years. I was shy, and I never had the
courage to take the next step: dating. There was a good dozen or so times
in high school when I could have done something, but I choked. I think I
was afraid of the commitment, and I made all kinds of excuses.
Now, I'm 21 and I feel like it's really time to start doing something
about girls. I've tried to change my attitude, and get over my shyness
with some success. My only obstacle is connecting with some girls. I
thought that it would be good to go out with my buddies to do some
prowling, but most of my friends have stereotyped me as a prude, so
they aren't interested in helping. I'm slowly changing that too.
Plus, they think I'm too much of an amateur.
Recently, I started playing squash with a new buddy. He's in the same boat as me, so I feel like we have something in common that we can work together on. We've both agreed that we need to start building a network of girls, but we don't know where to find these girls. Maybe are standards are too high? We thought that we could go cruising and check out different kinds of places like dinners and bars to start off. Comments?
P. S. Your site has been an awesome help.
Hello!
Thanks for the comments on our site - we are very proud of it and are working on a bunch of updates that should be posted sometime in the next month or so.
My first suggestion is that you need some tools to get started. It's kind of like trying to build a house. So you and your buddy show up on the property one day and decide you probably need some wood - so you go gather a bunch of it. Then, you figure it's got to go up somehow and you start stacking it. Of course, the wood doesn't fit together, and you don't have anything to hold it up, so it falls. Now, you've wasted an entire day with nothing to show for it.
Dating is like this. You need tools, ideas and techniques to make things happen. Consider this: women are relationship experts - much more than we men are. Would you jump in the ring with Mike Tyson without one hell of a lot of preparation? I'd hope not! Thus, you want to be prepared when you meet women too - otherwise, they'll just blow you out of the water!
One of the best things you can do to learn these tools is to read my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", (sorry for the sales pitch, but it really IS the best place to start!) Here, you'll get some of the best ways to meet women, what to say to them, how to get home phone numbers, how to set dates, how to manage your time - especially when dating 2 or more women at a time, how to structure a relationship, and most important, how to know what you're looking for in the first place. You can get the book from our website, or you can also get it from your local bookstores.
Regarding where to find women - EVERYWHERE! Believe me, they don't keep beautiful, single women in only one part of town. They are any- and everywhere. So, rather of thinking you need to go somewhere to meet them, have your tools in your back pocket first. Then, when you DO meet them - wherever you are - you're ready to get things started.
Lastly, regarding you and your friend working together - it is a great idea. Once you both know what you're looking for in women, you can begin working together to find them. You do this by switching off. One night your friend will help you to meet someone, the next night; you will help him, etc.
To do this, find a pair of women (they usually travel in two's, three's and more's) where at least one fits your (or your buddy's) "profile". Then, your friend helps you separate the girl's friend(s) from her so that you can move in and use your new tools. It doesn't matter if the friend is attractive or not. If she and your buddy hook up - great, if not, he just "takes one for the team", even getting her number if he can (for practice), while you move in and get the target's number. Then, the next night you switch off. Works great!
Good luck, much love...
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com.
Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
