One of the questions that I get asked often is,
"Where do I meet a great man?" or "Where can I find
beautiful women?" as though there is a place where
all these people are kept.
Everybody knows about the club scene,
the gym, and coffee houses, but if you're hoping
that one of these will be your ticket out of single-city,
you're missing the real opportunities that are around you.
Certainly, there are some places that are better than others
for meeting people. For example, if you're looking for a woman
to date, don't spend all your time hanging around sports bars.
If you're a woman looking for a man, don't frequent sewing classes.
Yes, sometimes men and women and be found at these places, but you're
much better off increasing your odds by being where you expect them to be.
So where's the perfect place to meet someone of the opposite sex? Frankly,
everywhere, (except your own living room!) The problem most people find is
really two separate issues:
1) They don't know what they're looking for, so they don't know the right person when they find them; and,
2) They don't have any way pre-planned to meet this person.
If you spend some time BEFORE you try to meet
someone, deciding what you're really looking for in a
partner, it's going to be much easier to recognize that person when they show up.
In my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" I present a series
of exercises on just how to accomplish this. For the purposes of this
article however, sit down and make a list of things you're looking for
in a partner. Try to be as specific as possible and visualize who this
person is, and what they are all about. The more clearly you can "see"
this person, the more likely you'll actually find him or her!
This works because it is a way of programming your mind.
By setting out the specifics of the person you're looking
for, you're telling parts of your brain to be aware of people
that may fit this profile. It greatly increases the possibility
of finding that person.
The second point - that of having a way of
meeting someone is actually much easier than
it seems at first. This is true even if you're very shy - but it takes practice.
Here are some final thoughts that will help:
Be open to meeting people - don't hide in a corner with your arms crossed, and your eyes on the ground.
Use eye contact and a natural smile to attract people. If you're not comfortable with these - practice!
Remember, people WANT to meet others - you included. Don't feel like you're imposing on someone just by saying hello.
Use all the tools available to you - referrals from friends and family,
"cold contacts", business contacts, even the Internet.
If you're a woman, don't be too subtle - many men don't know when you're interested in meeting someone.
If you're a man, don't be too aggressive - many women don't send the right signals, or send mixed signals.
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com.
Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
