Hi,
I am in a serious relationship of over one year. Over the course of our
relationship, my girlfriend and I have spent most of the time that we have been
together without the company of our respective friends. Once in a while we are in
a situation where one of my girlfriend's male friends is coming or going and her
standard greeting or send off is a kiss on the lips.
I don't kiss anyone on the lips other than my girlfriend. I find it unsanitary. She
obviously doesn't. She does insist on all shoes being removed in the apartment
and street clothes not being worn on the bed (even on top of the comforter).
I have gone along with her need to feel a sense of cleanliness, but she refuses to
discuss her lip-planting all of these guys she is friends with. She says that's just
the way she is, and tells me to get over it. I can't. I do not feel respected or
comfortable not to mention grossed out!
-Cold Sore Patrol
Hello!
This is ABSOLUTELY a matter of respect (or disrespect on her part)! Just like
they say you're having sex with every other partner your girlfriend has had, you're
also kissing them too! Further, she's giving you the dreaded "Test"!
If you've read any of my articles, you know that I talk about "The Test" all the
time, and it is a matter of utmost importance that you get it handled once and for
all, or it's just going to get worse! Regardless of how she sees it, you don't feel
comfortable with it, and frankly, that's all that should matter.
To handle this you're going to have to put your foot down and tell her, no more
kissing other guys on the lips - period. Further, if she kisses some guy on the
lips, you're not going to kiss her until after she takes a bath! You should also
have a long talk with her regarding respect. (By the way - I once got a chick I was
dating to stop smoking by doing this! She had to fully brush her teeth every time
she smoked before I would kiss her - outside of course. What a pain in the ass!)
If this doesn't get you anywhere, you might want to illicit some of your female
friend's help - at least those you'd want to tongue-kiss. Of course, you've got to
make sure you do this only in public, and hopefully around her friends, as the
humiliation factor is the primary key.
The reason why this is so insidious (and she knows it is!) is that she can easily
come back with "but we're only friends - YOU must be insecure!" How do you
defend that statement? This is why it is so imperative to get corrected
immediately. You might also want to pick up a copy of my book, "Being a Man in
a Woman's World" as it goes into handling these kinds of tests in great depth.
Let me know how things turn out, my brother...
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com.
Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
