Hi,
Four years ago I met a man in the strangest way possible - while driving
home from vacation! He pulled up next to me and just looked at me! He handed
me a CD through the window. It was a local boy-band, and when I looked at
the picture - he was one of the band members! I finally turned off and he
continued driving ahead.
On the CD cover was an address, so I took a chance and wrote to him. Shortly
after this, I got a call from him and we talked for a long time. He wanted
to meet, and I agreed. He came by to pick me up a couple of days later and,
because he didn't want to be interrupted by fans, we drove 50 miles to a
restaurant way out of town.
Since I was in town only for a while, I continued to write when I went home.
He never wrote back, so one day I got angry and wrote him a nasty 10-page
letter. I didn't hear from him for a year, and then one day he called! I was
in shock! He asked me when I was returning to his city, and I was actually
planning to be there in 3 days. When I arrived, we began seeing each other,
but never alone - it was always with the other members of his group,
friends, fans, etc. I tried to get him to go out by ourselves, but he kept
saying that he just didn't have the time.
During this, I discovered his email password and began reading his email -
even after I got back home. He kept getting mail from girls that went to his
concerts that had only one thing on their minds - sex. He stopped returning
my emails and I lost touch with him for another year. After awhile, he
dropped out of the music business and began working in Foreign Relations. At
the same time, he a number of dating sights (I knew because of his email!) I
signed up for the same services, and began talking to him.
After awhile of talking to him anonymously, I told him who I was. He asked
me if I was married yet, and I told him the truth - no. Before my
confession, he was writing to me everyday, after this, he stopped writing
again, except very infrequently. In one of his messages, he told me that I
knew him better than anyone else - like I was his sister!
Being his sister is not really what I had in mind, but after all these years
of back and forth, I'd really like to be with him and try to build
something. I told him about reading his email and that I knew all that he
had done, and he didn't even get mad!
We continue to correspond, but he's told me some things I didn't know before
like that he is divorced. I've asked him if we can get together, but he
doesn't respond to any of this. On the other hand, he has told me a great
deal about his personal life and seemed to open up to me. Do you think I
have a chance with him? Either way, I just want him to know that I care for
him and don't want anything bad for him at all.
Hello!
Let me try to answer what I understand your questions to be:
Does he care about you?
When a man cares about a woman, he tries to use as much of his creativity as
possible to show it. Of course this includes spending time with her, sending
her notes, email, etc., to let her know that he is thinking of her, calling,
etc. Frankly, I don't see much of this from your description. He may care
about you, but I doubt that he loves you.
Regarding what you can do to show him your intention is not to hurt, and
that you care:
You could continue to do what you are already doing, but frankly, why? Are
you hoping for a future relationship with him? It doesn't sound like that's
his goal to me. I seems that you'd be much better off just moving on.
I believe the bottom line is whether you want this kind of up/down
relationship with someone that isn't really committed to you. Are you
willing to invest your emotional well being in something as unorganized and
uninvolved as all this? I don't recommend it. You could spend years of your
life only to wind up with no more than you have right now.
I think you have another issue here too - trust. Why did you start reading
his personal email in the first place? That is wrong, wrong, wrong! You
don't have the right to go through his personal things - even his email -
anymore than he does. You might see it as innocent - just trying to find out
what he's thinking, but it is an invasion of privacy.
Good luck, much love...
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
www.remingtonpublications.com.
Copyright (c) 2001, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
